The Invisible Disability
In the span of three months, my child’s been hit by three different individuals, and shot at with an Orbi pellet gun while he was on his bike. Before I act on my first impulse to go all Tiger Mom on the offenders, I have to ask and understand the situations that led up to these offenses. Why?
Because I have a neurodivergent teen.
Neurodivergence is often referred to as an “invisible disability”. The Invisible Disabilities Association defines an invisible disability as a “physical, mental, or neurological condition that's not visible but can limit a person's activities, senses, or movements”. This can result in other neurotypical (NT) people making assumptions about how the neurodivergent (ND) individual feels, misunderstanding their actions, and consequently overlooking their needs.
So, let’s go back to my son. Offense #1: A situation escalated when he wanted to spend more time with an older role model. However, that role model was with a college friend and wasn’t paying as much attention to my son. So, my teenager, in his neurodivergence, engaged in behaviors that irritated the others, which resulted in an escalation that got him hit. Offense #2: My teen was on his bike after dark one night, and ran into same-aged peers (school acquaintances) in town. He just wanted to ride along with them. But, these boys did not want my him to, and my son didn’t pick up on those cues. So the boys left for a few minutes and agreed to meet up with my son at a local park. However, when they came back, instead of riding together, they chased him on an e-bike and shot at my son with a pellet gun in the dark. Offense #3: My son ran into some other school boys at a local park. These boys were engaging in friendly humorous banter with each other. My son, wanting to join in, ended up saying something he believed to align with the humor he was hearing. However, because he did not have this kind of friendship established with the boys, his comments were interpreted as offensive, which resulted in a physical altercation.
There is no doubt that my son needs to continue to learn skills to recognize verbal and non-verbal cues in social situations to help him engage with peers. He‘s participated in many different therapies, and continues to learn tools to help him do his part. However, what about his NT peers?
The social media post I stumbled upon spoke volumes to me. “Why are autistic kids expected to learn how to interact with neurotypical kids… but neurotypical kids are rarely taught how to interact with autistic kids?”
I would like NT individuals to understand that neurological differences are normal, and not pathological. There is nothing wrong with ND individuals. Their brains just work differently than those with a NT mindset. Similar to how society continues to learn how to interact with racial diversity, religious diversity or political diversity, it is important to teach children and adults about neurodiversity so that they can understand and appreciate the different ways that people think, behave, and communicate.
Neurodiversity can be a source of strength and creativity. These are individuals who say what they want to say. There is no ambiguity or reading between the lines when communicating with our ND friends. They are out-of-the-box thinkers, who can offer new perspectives and ideas to any situation. It is important to celebrate neurodiversity and to create opportunities for people with neurological conditions to reach their full potential, which can help create a more inclusive and tolerant society.
